paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize