Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
