just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
