i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
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