i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
