Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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