Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
