the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
