I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
