It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
