have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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