I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Small penises have feelings too.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
