I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
smell my finger.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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