I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
