i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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