Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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