yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
