My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
