The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
