I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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