I wish I could punch you in the face.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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