Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
