I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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