I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
