So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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