He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
