People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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