wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
