just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
