I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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