What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Randomize
