I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Randomize
