so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
He told me they were just razor bumps!
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
