I'm passing your future prison.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
