Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
