Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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