Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
