State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
