we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
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