when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
