evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
