HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
