I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
