that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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