I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
