and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
