so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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