I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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