I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize