I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize