Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
