You just made me feel so damn special
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
it's like iHOP with fire
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
