she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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