You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize