Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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