Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
