Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
