apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
