So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I haven't been this sober since birth.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
