You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
