Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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