fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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