I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
