I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
