I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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