the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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