I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Be still, my beating vagina.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
