No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
