I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
