her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize