theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
