About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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