Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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