two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
