I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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