My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
