hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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