I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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