I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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