its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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