I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
