we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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