tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
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