He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
No more Irish car bombs ever.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
