I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
