I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
