i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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