Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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