You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Someone came in the potted fern
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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