Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Randomize
