Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
