You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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