I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize