doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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